Values

Coaching Notes

“Perfect family” story []

Look at this photo. The depiction of the “perfect family” - smiling people, house, dog, white picket fence. If that was the goal, then mission accomplished. But… if we were to dig deeper into their lives and find out the man hates his work, the wife is having an affair, and the young girl and boy kick and torment the dog at every opportunity.

• Ask the participant - What do you think that means?

The point:

• How you live your life matters. The goal is less consequential than the manner in which it is undertaken.

There is a distinct difference between goals and values - Goals are completable, Values are NOT. The work is never done.

“Twins Scaling Everest” []

A set of twins have set a goal to scale Everest. Twin 1 hasn’t done any work on his values. Twin 2 has done some work on his values and defined them as adventure, challenge, nature and fun. A serious storm warning comes over the radio just before they start the final ascent. To start the ascent would mean to put their lives at risk.

• What might be the response from the Twin 1 who hasn’t identified their values?
• What might be the response from the Twin 2 who has connected clearly to his values?
• How might the responses differ?

Twin 1: may back off the mountain because of the risk.

Twin 2: may actually see the storm/adversity as the perfect test of who he is. He may feel most alive because of the challenge and see it as an exciting prospect and life defining opportunity.

The point: If the challenge aligns with your values, the same set of circumstances can be perceived dramatically differently by very similar people.

“Broken glass” []

Let’s pretend I’ve scattered broken glass here on the floor. If you were to step on it, you’d cut up your feet really badly. It would hurt enormously. You’d end up in a wheelchair for 3 weeks while your feet healed.

• Question to the audience: Would you walk on the glass?

Now, if I was to say that in walking on the glass, I will grant every one of your personal dreams, goals and aspirations will come true and that the people you love the most will also have their dreams, goals and aspirations fulfilled and live a life free of suffering…

OR

What if your best friend/child/sibling/parent was in trouble on the other side of the glass?

• Now would you walk on the broken glass?
• Does your response change at all?

The point: Humans are terrible at pointless pain. BUT if the pain is in service of the people and things most important to us, then we will not just endure but embrace tremendous hardship.